Lately, I’ve been wondering why it is that sadists very often say about their masochistic partners, “And then I decided to hurt him a little” or “I really wanted to hurt her then”.

I rarely notice masochists saying, “And then she decided to hurt me for a while,” or “I could tell he really wanted to hurt me.”

It might just be me, but I notice doms (sadists okay whatever yeah I know S&M and D/s are not the same thing can we move on please cool mkay) saying this hurt thing a lot.

And I rarely notice it in reverse.  I hear subs talking about the specific ways they like to be hurt–specific types of pain or specific implements.

Does anyone have any idea why this might be?  This is a genuine question.  I am pretty sure there’s a linguistic difference but I’m not sure why.

Maybe because in English it’s quite natural to say, “I feel pain” but not “I inflict pain”?

Maybe because “I hurt” in the passive sense has an emotional connotation that people tend to stay away from?  Or it just seems to suggest bad pain?

Could it be that the infliction of pain is really different for the top, who isn’t, of course, feeling it–it’s all just pain?  Whereas the bottom feels the nuances?

My sadistic streak is my weakest link . . . it’s hard for me to bring myself to hurt someone, even when I know the person is getting a great deal of pleasure out of it.  And so I  struggle to understand sadism; I can’t wrap my mind around it very well, which gets in the way of things between me and Robbie.  With everything else, I can see things fairly well through his eyes, but when it comes to hurting, I start to feel very lost.

And that’s a shame, because I not only like when he hurts me; I need him to hurt me.


Edit 1: I realize I have only noticed women dominants talking about hurting their boyfriends, not male dominants talking about hurting their girlfriends.  I have no idea why this is.  Maybe my sample is skewed.

Edit 2: In my further search for evidence I just found this post by Dev, telling about a time Jos asked her to hurt him.

Okay so let me rephrase the question: am I the only one who thinks this is the way people talk?  How do you talk about pain, if you want it?  How do you talk about hurting, if you want to do it?

Tell me everything!

Graphic pics at tears.of.eros.