Lovely trinity-pup tagged me for this meme. I like memes, but only if they have to do with sex, and so I took the liberty of tweaking this one a bit. I transformed it the way we used to in graduate school when we were playing party games that we found dull—if the game involved a question, we’d add “in bed” to the end of it, and then laugh uproariously at the result. (It is beyond astounding to me to think we were in our 20s at the time, instead of our teens.)

In that same puerile and immature spirit, I added “in bed” to pup’s questions, which made some of them nonsensical, but I persevered! Herewith my answers:

What are the last three songs you downloaded in bed?

I don’t download songs in bed, nor do I text in bed, nor do anything much in bed besides read, sleep, and screw. But these songs get me in the mood to do the last of those:

Sexual Healing by Marvin Gay –sexy to me because you’d have to be dead not to think it was sexy

Viva la Vida by ColdPlay—sexy to me because the singer in the song sounds to me like a Roman general

Figured You Out by Nickelback—sexy to me because Robbie loves it for its twisted lyrics

What are the last three places you visited in bed?

This one also doesn’t make sense when you add “in bed” to it, but these are the last three best places for fucking I visited were—aside from Robbie’s house, of course.

Saratoga Springs, NY

Montreal

Mexico

What are your three favorite movies in bed?

I’ve seen my share of sexy movies, but it’s especially nice to watch them with someone you know you’ll be heading off to bed with. The three that stirred me the most, emotionally and physically, were:

Secretary

The Lover

Lust, Caution

What are your three favorite possessions in bed?

I don’t get to wear these to bed anymore, but if it were up to me, my favorite possessions in bed would be jeans, a barely-there bra, and a long necklace. They all are ways to wickedly tease, which is, come to think of it, why I don’t get to wear them. Robbie likes to do the teasing himself.

The three things I do get to wear to bed that I love are my black boots, my camisoles, and my garter belts.

My collar would be on this list, but I tend to think of it as Robbie’s possession rather than mine.

What three things can you not live without in bed?

A blanket

Padding for the floor

A place to go to the bathroom when I wake up at 3am

I think I’m a simple girl. I also think this list cries out for a kind of captive-in-dungeon scene.

What would be your three wishes in bed?

This is extremely difficult, because I already get so many of the things I want, so many things I never imagined I could ask for, and so many things I never imagined.

More oral sex (really, who wouldn’t wish for that?)

More chances to switch with Robbie

More rope—lots and lots and lots of rope

What three things haven’t you done yet in bed?

Had sex in a car (uh, in bed?)

Done the paint-each-other-with-chocolate thing

Given a long, slow, soup-to-nuts handjob

What are your three favorite dishes in bed?

My three favorite dishes in bed would be the same things we tend to snack on after sex : berries and cream; chocolate cake; bread and cheese.

Come to think of it, these are the three dishes that I might want to bring to bed, too.

Which three celebrities would you most like to hang out with in bed?

I thought of gorgeous celebrities here, but I realized that I’d just be too nervous to go to bed with them. I think I’d need at least drinks and dinner before the shock and awe wore off.

Whoopi Goldberg. She cracks me up. I don’t want to sleep with her though, just maybe have a pajama party.

Steve Martin. He cracks me up and I want to sleep with him.

Demetri Martin. Because I obviously should stick with comedians–if I’m going to feel awkward with a strange, famous person, at least I can laugh about it.

Name three things that freak you out in bed.

Centipedes

Bedmates who have sleep apnea and briefly stop breathing while asleep. I don’t mind them, I just worry over them.

Oftentimes, waking up

Name three unusual things you are good at in bed.

Toe sucking

Face massages

Sharing the covers

Which three things are you coveting in bed?

A bigger and higher bed, perhaps with dowels or rods at the head and foot

The foot-of-the-bed blanket chest-cum-toy-box with pop-up screen for in-bed viewing of pr0n that Robbie keeps talking about building

Chains

Name three bloggers you are tagging

Green Woman, marianne, and mia. Why? Because they crack me up, of course.