Pale Green Knickers

This is not (merely) yet another post about my underwear. Amid much sexy talk of late, we have also been trying to figure out what we want from and with each other.

“I love you,” I tell him, incessantly, to the point where it sounds unbelievable even to me. I tell him because at distance, I am not as good at showing him.

Sometimes, it seems to register with him that I actually do. “I know,” he answers me then, laughingly, affectionately, “and that’s what scares the hell out of me.”

I’m not entirely sure what he means, but I do know that sometimes I feel his love so strongly that I freak out, and then he has to pick up the slack. The other night he asked me if I was trying to get rid of him. I’m not, but sometimes I’m scared he’ll want to get rid of me.

So we’ve been going round, like a couple of teenagers, for the past couple of weeks, both vulnerable and idiotic, each in turn getting hopeful and then discouraged by the other’s discouragement. A recent talk about when to get together sent him into a pout of disappointment and me into a nasty silence.

A lot of times love reminds me of that Dr. Seuss poem, “Pale Green Pants.” (Clicky to download the text of the poem.) On a series of odd errands, the Seussian protagonist keeps running into a pair of “pale green pants with nobody inside ’em”. The pants, being empty, and perhaps being green, scare the fuck out of him. Until one day, when creature and pants find each other trapped in the same thorny bush (ahem). Our hero narrates:

But then a strange thing happened.

Why, those pants began to cry!

Those pants began to tremble.

They were just as scared as I!

And realizing that the pants are, like himself, scared and unsure, the creature reaches out and holds them.

We are all vulnerable beyond belief when we begin to care, and the more we care, the more the door swings open to fear and fragility. I deal with this by brooding. Robbie deals with it, when he can, by laughing. I tell him about the pale green pants with nobody inside ’em, and he growls, “It’d be a lot better to have pale green pants with somebody inside ’em. Or at least, someone pretty nearby.”

Pantless but Nearby

More than any man I’ve known, Robbie indulges my navel-gazing–but he also laughs it off, fucks it off, growls it off, or works it off with hard, hard labor.

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Green Knickers

While browsing for images for this post I managed to discover the best sources of green (that is, eco-friendly) luxury underwear around. Lest this accidentally-won knowledge slip away into the ether, I’ll paste a few links in here.

The figleaves online store has a “dedicated department for green products”–greenleaves, they call it. They bring four major brands of British environmentally p.c. underthings to American consumers: Greenknickers, Enamore, Eco-Boudoir, and People Tree. For more green luxury there’s Viva Terra. The beautiful handmade panties in the first picture (which are actually technically yellow, not green) are from Luva-Huva. I’m sure there are zillions more and I’ll add to this when I stumble across them.

My favorite is definitely Greenknickers (advert pic above). Who can resist a pair of panties that say “eat organic” on them?